Leonard's Losers

My mom was a life-long Catholic. My dad is a life-long Catholic. My dad is also a life-long football fan. We went to church every Sunday, usually to the 11:30 Mass. And on the drive home, my dad did what every red-blooded American male football fan (there's some redundancy for ya) would do...turn the radio to the pre-game show. My favorite part of those pre-game shows was a bit called "Leonard's Losers". It featured this backwoods country soundin' guy (I mean that with the utmost respect) who would pick the losers of each NFL game and provide a humorous little summary of how the game would go. It's hard to really describe if you've never heard it, but it was great. I just Googled Leonard and found out that he died in 2001. So in honor of Mr. Leonard Postero, here are my losers for this weekend's NFL playoff games.

Kansas City at Indianapolis
The Missouri warriors march into race town looking to shut down the horses and send them back to their stable. Head warrior Larry Johnson will ambush the ponies, and even Peyton Manning won't be able to save them from an early retirement. Leonard's Loser, in an upset...Indianapolis.

Dallas at Seattle
The Texas cowpokes arrive in Javatown dreaming of a trip to Miami next month. The sea-birds hope to recover from an up-and-down season to repeat as champs of the NFC. Head poke Tony Romo has lassoed many a defense since taking the reins of America's Team, but he'll make one too many mistakes in his playoff debut and the vultures will pick him clean. Leonard's Loser, in a close one...Dallas.

New York Jets at New England
The men from Gotham aren't supposed to still be playin', and the chowda-heads will remind them of that early and often. But the Beantown soliders have been inconsistent, and that will eventually do them in as the J-E-T-S get final clearance and take off in the second half. Leonard's Loser, in a big upset...New England.

New York Giants at Philadelphia
The birds have been flyin' high of late, while the G-men have grounded themselves often with silly mistakes. This trend will continue on Sunday, as the City of Brotherly Love does not live up to its name for Eli Manning and his bunch of really large men. Leonard's Loser...New York.

Disclaimer: These prognostications are for entertainment purposes only. Please, no wagering.